tHouGht oF thE wEak HOW WAS IT FOR YOU? But I can hear the hawks asking when liberals like me are going to admit we were wrong and that the "liberfication" of Iraq was a success. And I must say that it was certainly fun for me, watching from England: for a while there we were all couch commandoes and armchair generals. PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE PROTEST Here are some pictures taken at last Saturday's enormous anti-war march through London. I bought a bodhran - an Irish drum - to play while walking. ("We're just the ones who bang drums and sing love songs".) NOTHING TO FEAR EXCEPT FEAR ITSELF Somewhat conveniently, just three days before what's expected to be the biggest peace demonstration for decades, the authorities are issuing alerts left, right and centre. Oddly, it's not Saddam Hussein trying to scare the bejeesus out of us, but Tony Blair. ASTRONAUTS AND WAR The whole world cries when astronauts die. Why is this? Why does it feel so close, even though we don't know them at all? ON THE ROAD The original 1960s Star Trek featured a device which can transport people and objects from place to place instantly. By now - after 1984, after 2001 - most of science fiction's great minds must have imagined that we would at least be able to travel with ease from one end of the city to another. POWAQQATSI, HOPI INDIANS AND HUMANKIND The film made me pity myself for failing to admit the basic equality of all people. KIDDIE-FIDDLERS, DIGITAL FREEDOM AND ID CARDS Already paedophilia and terrorism - as well as other emotive issues such as asylum/ immigration - are being used by the British Government as reasons why a £1.5 BILLON pound ID card scheme should be introduced. EUROPEAN DISINTEGRATION Dutch designer Rem Koolhaas suggested that a new Euro flag is required. I came up with this one. The European Union haven't contacted me yet. PRESSPLAYSTER The major record labels have released their own online subscription service, and this is your chance to test it out. Pressplayster: making it easier to steal music than to buy it. WHAT IS OSAMA SAYING? The new translation of the Osama bin Laden 'smoking gun' tapes are in. Here's how the conversation really went... POPIDOLZ Who's got the X-Factor? Click to see the image and find out. ATROCIOUS ATTACK As a result of this atrocious attack innocent people died, children lost their parents and lives were ruined. CNN: THE WAR AGAINST WHATEVER From these shots, recently released by the Department of Defense, you can almost hear the pathetic screaming Afghan men and women, their skin burning and bubbling in the flames, throats tightening in the acrid smoke, tears stinging their eyes as they weep for their dead friends and relatives. Later their children will venture into the mine fields to pick up tiny food packages dropped by US fighter planes, only to return home as hideously deformed amputees. AS THE DUST SETTLES I don't think anyone with a heart could have seen those images from the World Trade Centre without a sense of horror, without even shedding a tear. The sad sight of someone hundreds of storeys in the air, waving a white flag as if in surrender, desperately hoping to be rescued. The footage of a couple jumping from the greatest height hand in hand: one can only begin to imagine the hellish circumstances which would have forced them to make such an insane decision. UK MUSIC CHARTS CIRCA 2001 "Everything seems so manufactured these days. Even the supposed tradition I come from, indie: even that's manufactured now" - Damon Albarn, 2001. AFTER GENOA: WHERE NEXT? Damning the protesters (as Tony Blair did) while seemingly approving of quasi-military action against them is not the way forward. If traditional politics is inspiring less people to vote than ever, and yet the anti-globalisation movement gathers pace, it means that more average members of the public are coming on board, feeling that their political 'representatives' are not correctly defending their interests. THE REVOLUTION? NOT ON THESE AIRWAVES (Audio clips inside) KBOO is a powerless community station which surely cannot afford to throw away $7,000. Sarah Jones is a poet who spends much of her time speaking in schools and other educational facilities- she cannot afford to have her name tarnished with allegations of sexual indecency. And so I urge you to assist in attempts to get the Commission to reverse its decision. RONNIE BIGGS (Amended with retraction and apology, June 7 2002) PHOTOGRAPHS FROM MAY DAY PROTESTS LONDON Here are the pictures to accompany my written report of the Mayday demonstrations. REPORT FROM MAY DAY PROTESTS LONDON Suddenly the policemen locked together to form a chain and, with another shouted order, pushed on the crowd. Everyone - protesters and public alike - was pushed into a smaller space, compressed body to body... COUNT ME IN JEDI Once 10,000 or more people have noted themselves as Jedis, the Church of England will surrender itself as the nation's official religion and Queen Elizabeth will give away all her worldly riches to establish a Corgi colony on the planet Alderaan. ALL YOUR BRAND ARE BELONG TO US Inspired by the All Your Brand site, I decided to try some culture jamming of my own with the Photoshopped ads you see inside. To fully get what little of a joke lies behind the ads, you will have to have seen the 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' meme which has been going around the Internet over the past few weeks. AN ODE TO VOLUNTARY PAYMENTS For a limited time only I will offer similar compensation to anyone who can write in with evidence that listening to my music has caused them pain or wasted time. HATING THE WORLD "All our representatives are busy serving other customers, but please hold. Your call is important to us. You are being held in a queue and someone will be with you shortly. You are number 78 in the queue." Oh, and by the way... you're paying for this call, sucker. FUN OUTLAWED IN THE UK As the year 2000 comes to a close, the British Government has released an Official Proclamation that all fun is to be made illegal. The notice was incorporated into the Queen of England's annual Christmas speech and is effective immediately. WAR, FAMINE, PLAGUE AND PESTILENCE There were a few pre-Millennial doomsayers last year, but perhaps those temporal pedants were right. Maybe the 20th Century comes to a close at the end of 2000... and maybe it's bringing the Apocalyspe with it. OPEN LETTER TO THE PRS For our answers we should be looking not to Napster's whizzkid programmers and venture capitalists but to its users - by the last count estimated to be 32 million registrants, of whom nearly 7 million are regular downloaders each month 'YOU ARE THE LETTER X' Do not flinch when you feel the cold blade of compromise pressed to your neck. Instead make yourself into the snub nose of a gun that's stuck in mouths. DOME TO BECOME PETROL STATION "I spit on New Labour's pathetic quasi-educational Body Zone" said another. "We need to teach our children what's really important: the smell of napalm in the morning; night pay kiosks in the evening and an overpriced buffet roll for lunch." BROTHERLY LOVE Watching "Big Brother" has been one of the few events which made me feel like I'm living in the 21st Century. NAPSTERISM Napster is without doubt one of the greatest tools currently available to music creators and fans. THE REAL WORLD There is no real world. We make our own realities. DUMPED Why we should all boycott the petrol pumps... forever. REST IN PEACE? The year 1984 may have passed us by without much cause for concern, but 2000 is turning out to be just as dark and Draconian as Orwell ever predicted. OXFORD GIG REVIEW Everything a band has achieved or hopes to achieve is challenged at a gig. In half an hour. No-one is safe and one's sanity cannot be guaranteed. BIG BANKS NEED BIG BUCKS Barclays Bank with its ill- advised and insulting "A Big World Needs a Big Bank" campaign. Problems? Questions? Suggestions? Contact me: mail@tobyslater.com back to top back to home page

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